A Beginning and an End

Since I'm now out of the Navy, I will no longer post  here. Overall, I believe the Navy was a positive experience for me. I learned a lot about what I'm capable of. If I went back I would've joined right out of high schoo, instead of floundering g around for several years beforehand. I enlisted because I was thrust back to the starting line of adulthood and I had no idea where to go from there. While in the Navy I learned more about myself and what  want from life.

Thank you for reading.

LOL JK

"I was just joking."

This is the defense I hear most of the time whenever I call out someone for saying something sexist or racist. For some reason, that person thinks what they said is ok because they were "joking". I don't understand why they think this is ok.

Are rape jokes ok? No. Then why is it ok to joke about racism or sexism? (By the way, some of my co-workers think rape jokes are ok.)

Some of my co-workers describe their boss (who is male) using female pronouns. They think it's hilarious. But why? I feel like they're trying to insult him by pretending he's a woman. What the hell? Why is this funny?

What's a good reply to "I was just joking." Maybe I should say "Fuck you. Just kidding." Maybe that would get the point across. Probably not.

When I call someone out on saying something racist or sexist, they mockingly say they won't say anything like that around me again, completely missing the point. The point is that it's inappropriate to say those things at work at all. I don't care what you do at home or with your friends, but a whole bunch of diverse people have to work here and they shouldn't have to keep telling you to shut up. (They don't, but that's another point.)

They think I'm a prude and I don't like physical contact or dirty jokes. I do, just not at work. Why don't they understand this?

I hope one day to work in a place where I don't have to wince when somebody walks behind me.

I know they hate me because I call them out on their behavior. I didn't used to do it. I used to be a weaker person who didn't stand up for anyone else, let alone myself. I let people walk all over me and I never said anything. More than anything, I don't want to be that person again. Calling people out like I do also stops predators.

What predators do is start with a little comment to see how you'll react. If you don't say anything, they'll push the boundary a little further. Then a little further, every action or comment getting more severe until you finally say something. It's at that point when they'll pretend they were joking. Or they'll get angry and the situation will escalate.

Somebody out there please help me understand.

I worry.

I worry about the junior enlisted people here.
I worry about the people who don't speak up.
I worry about what they don't say.
I worry about what gets hushed up.
I worry that they blame themselves.
I worry that they suffer in silence.
I worry that they think they are alone.
I worry that they have no one to talk to.
I worry that I am one of them.

Somehow, Some way, it's always something I did wrong.

Today someone said something offensive about women. I tried to report it, but my Chief was too busy. "Not now" he said. I went to a first-class and she asked me if he was joking. I said "Does it matter?" I don't think it does. It shouldn't matter. Then she asked me if I told him that I thought what he said was offensive. That maybe he didn't know me well enough to know what he can and can't say in my presence.


The military wonders why there is such an issue with sexual harassment/assault in the military. The reason is reactions like this.It doesn't matter if he's joking or not. It doesn't matter if the people listening are okay with it. It's still a workplace.

I shouldn't have to go around announcing to everyone that I don't abide misogynistic comments.

I shouldn't have to go around telling everyone not to comment on how good I look since I've lost some weight.

I shouldn't have to tell people not to sneak up behind me and tickle me.

I shouldn't have to tell people not to show me pictures of naked people.

I shouldn't have to tell people not to massage my shoulders.

But I do.